Workshop for Elizabeth Allen - RePost

Elizabeth,

Sorry for the tone of the previous post, my intent was not to offend you at all. The following is a revised version of my workshop of your essay. Hope this helps.

1. Who is the author's audience?

I read the essay several times and it is still hard for me to determine with any specificity, the author’s target audience. Having said that, I believe the author may be attempting to connect with just about anybody who shares her personal, but, unsubstantiated opinion pertaining to legalized prostitution. Further speculation on my part leads me to believe that she may be attempting to reach females in general, and/or female victims of sex crimes.

2. Will the audience already agree with the author, or is the author writing to the opposition?

As stated above, I was not able to clearly define who the target audience was. However, I can state with certainty, that I definitely qualify as the opposition in this case, and based on my interpretation of the question and my direct personal knowledge derived through years of experience in law enforcement and felony criminal investigations, the author is not writing to the opposition. The author has not introduced any evidence, whatsoever, to support the claims asserted in her thesis. In my opinion, if she had introduced empirical evidence from adequate research that supported her claim, I (the opposition) would be more inclined to hold the opinion that the author was in fact attempting to address the opposition in an attempt to persuade the opposition to change sides. From the perspective of an audience that maintains the same opinion as the author, I would say that the audience would agree with the author. However, this audience would have to be just as misinformed as the author is regarding the topic being purported in the essay. Essentially, I am of the opinion that anybody who thoroughly researches the multitude of variables surrounding the argument as purported by the author, would not agree with the claim being made in this essay.

3. How can you tell?

I can tell by many years of experience in this industry, specifically, felony criminal investigations, as well as extensive research and training pertaining to sex crimes and sex crime investigations. Prostitutes and others in the sex industry seldom report instances of abuse or assaults classified as sex crimes. Unfortunately, for many, these events are considered and accepted to be the nature of their business. In other words, it comes with the territory. I am not stating this position is right or should be acceptable, but, I am saying it is a fact that is statistically supported. For a small example, see information cited below.

1. Prostituted women have long been considered "fair game" for sexual harassment, rape, gang-rape, "kinky" sex, robbery, and beatings....A 1991 study by the Council for Prostitution Alternatives, in Portland, Oregon, documented that 78 percent of 55 prostituted women reported being raped an average of 16 times annually by their pimps and 33 times a year by johns. Twelve rape complaints were made in the criminal justice system and neither pimps nor johns were ever convicted. These prostitutes also reported being "horribly beaten" by their pimps an average of 58 times a year. The frequency of beatings...by johns ranged from I to 400 times a year. Legal action was pursued in 13 cases, resulting in 2 convictions for "aggravated assault." http://womensissues.about.com/od/rapesexualassault/a/Wuornos.htm.

2. "Prostitution is not a victimless crime... Prostitute rape is rarely reported, investigated, prosecuted or taken seriously." Gender Bias Report, 1990, Florida Supreme Court.

Reasons:

1. List below the author's supporting reasons for holding his or her opinion.

The author lists the supporting reasons as indicated below:

A. Legalizing prostitution would create a safer environment for the women involved in the business of prostitution.

B. Sex crime rates would decrease as a result of legalizing prostitution.

C. Viruses, I assume sexually transmitted diseases, would decrease with the legalization of prostitution.

2. Are they listed in the thesis, or in the body of the paper? (They should be listed in the thesis, and expanded upon in the body of the paper.)

The author lists the supporting reasons in the thesis; however, while she attempted to justify her opinion that legalizing prostitution would create a safer environment for women involved in prostitution, she failed to provide any argument or evidence pertaining to whether sex crime rates and viruses would decrease as a result of the legalization of prostitution.

3. Can you suggest any ways to strengthen the supporting reasons?

Sure, the author could do adequate research regarding the stated claim.

Counterargument:

1. List the counterarguments (arguments of the author’s oppositions) used in the paper.

There were none utilized in the paper.

2. How many are there?

Zero.

3. Does the author adequately address these arguments? No.

4. Do you think there are other arguments that could be addressed? (If the author doesn’t counter argue, consider where doing so might be appropriate. Help the writer anticipate any alternative judgments or reservations that have been overlooked, and offer advice on how to respond to them.)

The following is my response to Elizabeth's comment after she read the previous workshop. I think this answers the question above.

As expected I got your comment and there's no doubt you got fired up after reading my post. As I said in my post my intent was certainly not to bash you at all, really, I don't even know you and this is a college class. So, again I apologize if I offended you. You picked a "hot topic" to write about though and I'm sure you know this. Perhaps I was the wrong person to workshop your essay but were here now and that's life. Also for the record, my use of the word ignorant was meant to be interpreted as lacking knowledge, education, or comprehension of something.

We were given the opportunity to complete these workshops as a tool for better grasping the subject matter, right? Ok then, I truly don't care what your personal opinion is because this is not a personal attack. In an effort to perhaps help you understand what I as the reader of your essay felt and thought, I posted it like it came to mind. I wanted you to see what I was thinking as I read your essay as someone who opposes your opinion.

For what it's worth I'll add the following, and I think you should think about it. (You have since explained to me that you are in-fact from Nevada, have worked in corrections in Nevada, and know people in law enforcement from Nevada.)

Listen, your essay implies to me the reader that you purport the nationwide legalization of prostitution, right?

So, if the aforementioned: 1) residing in Nevada, 2) working for corrections in Nevada, and 3) having personal relationships with law enforcement officials in Nevada, provided you with the experiences that have shaped the opinion you are trying to argue, then somehow, make use of these experiences in your essay. These experiences should be the "evidence" in your essay that supports your claim. Like I said, whether I agree with you or not really doesn't matter, but if you supported your claim with specific experiences (evidence) derived from the three things mentioned above, your opposition may be more inclined to take give your essay and opinion further consideration.

Well, thanks for listening. One last thing, below I have attached a link to some information related to Nevada and legalized prostitution there. You may or may not be familiar with it but take a look anyway. I would be interested to know what you think after reading through it. Take care."

http://www.nevadacoalition.org/factsheets/LegliznFactSheet091707c.pdf"


Flow/Transitions:

1. Does each paragraph expand upon the thesis?

I think the author attempts to expand upon the safety issue but fails to adequately touch on any of the other areas cited in the thesis.

2. Do the paragraphs flow? Which paragraphs have bumpy transitions?

The first paragraph begins alright, but transitions to irregularity as the essay continues.

3. Suggest how the organization of the paper might be improved.
By addressing each supporting reason for the claim, and doing so in sequential order throughout the essay.

4. Suggest another logical sequence of reasons and counterarguments to the author, and discuss whether this rearrangement is an improvement.

See my answer to number 4, under counter arguments above.

Introduction and Conclusion:

1. Is there a catchy lead sentence at the start of the paper? If there isn't one, what would you suggest?

I think the lead she wrote was absolutely awesome! To me, this was a major factor in my decision to read on and thoroughly review the essay. Good job with this in my opinion, although, I am not the instructor for this course.

2. What do you think of the author’s conclusion?

I don’t feel there was a conclusion. Rather, the author repeated the thesis.